An Unhappy Birthday Post

I wouldn’t say it didn’t hurt that you didn’t wish me first on my birthday. It did. I even wanted to cry…in 18 minutes in to my birthday. But lasik. 

I remember how I made a video for you on your birthday with that song All Of Me from John Legend and you cried watching it on our video call. So romantic, right? 

I know what you might be thinking. You might be thinking that I did all that because we were together at that time. Well, it was just 4 months ago. See, I don’t expect any video from you or anything. But atleast a wish would be enough. 

It’s funny how I was expecting that you would call at midnight. I was expecting a call at 12 a.m. Remember how it was so important for us to wish each other before someone else? I got someone’s text wishing me happy birthday but I didn’t open it wishing you would call and it would be you to wish me first officially. How stupid I am to think that after all this? 

But hey, our love wasn’t that selfish. So be it. Stay like this. Good-fucking-bye, Capsicum. 

P. S. : I know your job and the people around you has made you something you were not. Then again, change is inevitable, but unfortunately, we weren’t. 

Peace. 

I met You

I met you. I don’t know what and how that happened. How I met you is too blur. I just remember myself being with her. There were some friends as well. They were around. But the moment I sat with her, everything around me vanished.

It was just me and her now. We were sitting on the stairs at outside of our floor where we work. We were sitting so close our thighs were touching. There was a little smoke around us. She was smoking. For some reason it didn’t matter. Not that it was so romantic that the smoke smelt like roses, but IT.REALLY.DIDN’T.MATTER.

All this was so overwhelming that I couldn’t speak. I was just looking at her and…Breathe. Not the smoke. Okay, some of it, but it really didn’t matter. Just sitting with her like this was enough to make me want to live again. It was foolish but I wanted to sit with her here forever.

She took a long drag from the cigarette and I wanted to kiss those lips. Her lips were the standard definition of perfection. I may have stared too long at her lips, because when I regained consciousness, I found her looking straight into my eyes. To my surprise, I didn’t find myself being embarrassed. Her face was so calming. Her eyes were containing the depth of the ocean and her lips curved into the most perfect smile. It was my duty to smile back. She raised her eyebrow taking another drag.

She reached to my hand and held it. She made the Love Handle. Now this was a weak moment. I fought hard not to look at her. Maybe she knew that I wasn’t looking and she hold my hand tighter. I was forced to look at her.

She may have threw her cigarette away because when I looked at her again, she turned to me and reached for my left hand with her right hand. We were facing each other now. Her face was flawless, or maybe our eyes were meant to see only the goodness in others. I looked away. Looking at her like this was reminding me all the dreams I had in the past and I was afraid that if I looked at her for a little more time, she will be one as well. She clutched my hands and I looked at her.

“Everything will be fine now.” I heard a whisper, and for the first time I wanted to believe it.

The Thousand Splendid Suns – Life of Mariam

51jkAgidvAL._SY344_BO1,204,203,200_“One could not count the moons that shimmer on her roofs 

And the thousand splendid suns that hide behind her walls”

A thoughtful girl who had hopes. simple dreams. To live with her family, her brothers and sisters and her father. Life shouldn’t be this difficult that even these hopes seem impossible.

A girl who felt the guilt of her mother’s suicide after her running away from home. The guilt, the grief that  controlled all her life. She was hurt so many times, happiness was a myth. Her sacrifices were never counted. All her life, she did as she was told. Not because she was weak.

She was never loved, after all she was a harami, as her mother called her. Of course she loved her, but because of her mother’s behaviour, she resented  her mother and she ran for her father who never actually cared for her, who betrayed her. She was betrayed by every men she found in her life.

A girl who got married to a man twice her age, who married her just for the sake of children. And faced his cruelty and hatred after knowing that she can’t be a mother. She was resented and beaten all her life.  Her life took a positive turn when his husband got married to a girl again. She protested, but left unheard.

The girl and her children showed her that how it feels to love and to be loved back. After repeated regular fights, she accidentally murdered her husband while saving the girl from his beating. And then got executed for the “crime”.

“Kneel here, Hamshira. And look down.”

One last time, Mariam did as she was told.